Spotted: a certain student—let’s call him Winner—making his rounds on campus with the confidence of someone who’s never lost a speed eating competition… or maybe never lost weight.

Sources whisper that Winner has a unique worldview: conversations, introductions, and basic politeness are optional side quests he simply chooses not to complete. Instead, he prefers to greet new faces with fruity commentary so bold you’d think he was headlining a KUWTK roast no one bought tickets for. Because he ate, ate, and ate.

But the real spice? Winner carries an energy that’s… glitter coded. Unexpected. The kind of flair that makes people tilt their heads and whisper, “Is he gay?” No one knows, and honestly, he probably doesn’t either.

You didn't hear this from me but, one professor reportedly described him as having a “mythical presence” — not in a poetic way, but more like the feeling you get when you turn a corner and suddenly encounter something that big you definitely weren’t prepared for.

A vibe straight out of a fantasy novel’s chaotic side character. As for culture and refinement? Winner seems blissfully unaware of such constraints. Some call it ungenteel; others call it chaos. Both are correct. Whatever world Winner is living in, it’s definitely not the one the rest of us share — but watching him navigate campus life is nothing short of… entertainingly fruity.

Brace yourselves, darlings. She's sorry; He's just getting started.

You know you love me.

XOXO, ECholine.

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